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Today I would like to share some facts about squirrels, all of which I obtained in one of the following ways:

1. Google

2. There is a squirrel in my attic.

Now, there are many and various challenges of living in a hip and thriving city (overpriced coffee beans, stroller dads, white guilt), but I had not previously known about squirrels as a potential obstacle which I would have to overcome in my interesting and emotionally wrought life.

For the last couple of days, my roommates and I have been hearing a weird sound in the walls. Like a scratchy or move-y sound, kind of like a homeless dude was digging through our walls for cans, which we knew was silly because we keep our cans in a cardboard box inside the house, not inside the walls. I was pretty sure that it was a ghost (friendly, obv) or some kind of rat. It turns out that it was a squirrel, and also that squirrels are not “some kind of rat,” but in fact their own unique breed of species. Huh.

So the big question is: What’s up with squirrels? Are they cute? Should we befriend it and bring it little nuts and things? Or are squirrels a menace, to be exterminated?

I did a little google-imaging, and here are my findings about squirrels:

This seems like a pretty cool squirrel, kind of a chiller. If our squirrel is like this, I think it would be nice to have it in the attic, strumming the ukulele or whatever. Maybe this squirrel could even be taught to play other instruments, and could join one of the many bands\experimental projects around town. It would be socially valuable for my roommates and I to be associated with this squirrel.

This squirrel has a boozoka. While I totally support the coming Apocalypse, and movies\graphic novel inspired by this future moment in history, I don’t think it’s appropriate to have guns in the home. I’ve been pretty affected by these public service announcements, so I’m going to have to say that, at least for the moment, that I am not OK with a squirrel like this in our attic.

Wow, squirrels are really sharp dressers. I am learning so many facts about squirrels today. I really, really really hope that our squirrel is wearing a similar outfit to this one. If so, I am definitely pro-squirrel.

I am nervous about sexual harassment at the hands\paws of this squirrel.

OK guys, have you had any experiences with being roommates with squirrels? Was it ever tense when they left little nutshells around?

Please note that this blog has an automatic non-discriminatory sensor in the comments section; please do not write anything inflammatory (i.e. a “flame war”) about squirrels that you do not actually know.

x-posted to Horse Facts.